You can detect the light because there is a shadow behind it; Vous pouvez détecter la lumière, car il y a d’ombre derrière cela; 光が見えるのは裏に影があるからこそ

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Anyone who happened to stumble upon this blog may think that I was a lucky woman to be living in Paris, so close to the Eiffel Tour that while millions of tourists had to queue up on the Bastille Day and wait all afternoon in the sweltering heat, I had only to step out in the courtyard a minute after I heard the firework to have an unblocked view.  What the person would not know is that I had fallen victim to a crime at my last apartment that this new studio just happened to be on the market to rescue me from a foreseeable further risk.  Therefore, I moved in with a heavy heart, but gradually realized that the place had come with many benefits like electricity and hot water all included despite its rent being nearly half of what I used to pay at the Marais historical district.  It is smaller, but the old room was for two people anyway.

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As soon as I got back on my feet, there was this one lady I wished to share the news.  She wrote such a positive but fair and balanced blog that had given me the final push to make the move to Paris from Japan.  I expressed my gratitude in her post and she replied warmly.  Her name was Lisa Taylor Huff and I must put it in the past tense because I discovered last night that she had died of cancer.  I had imagined Lisa watching the firework with her husband while I watched the spectacle in awe, but it turned out she had passed away before the Bastille Day.  She was in her 50’s and way too young to die. 

I was numb for a while.  She sounded so positive and as many patients recover from the illness these days I thought I would have time to write to her again.  My first emotion was regret.  Then I reread her husband’s post which was filled with love for her and all so final that I started to sob.  She was truly gone from this world.  It hurt especially because she had wanted to be a published author, but that did not happen.  Her real-life search for true love and courage to uproot herself from USA in her late 40’s would have been an aspiring book.  The publishers should know that there are many women who missed their timing in life (myself included) that books about late bloomers would have been so encouraging.  But no…Lisa was never meant to be a writer. 

But then I wondered why I was crying so much if her words had not touched my soul though I had never met her in person.  Judging from the tributes written in her FB pages, Lisa had touched many other souls too.  That is what good writers do.  Even in death Lisa left a guidance for me, another childless woman who started writing graphic novels in the late stage of her life.  I may not find a true love like she did, nor be liked by a step son like Lisa was, but I will be living in Paris and Australia (I have recently come to appreciate how much the latter had given me) and keep writing for the sake of it.  No matter where I live, Lisa reminded me that time cannot be taken for granted.  Therefore, I shall postpone my next post until late autumn to work on my graphics.

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通りすがりの読者から見れば私は幸運に見えるかもしれません。エッフェル塔近くに住み旅行者が夏のパリ祭に長蛇の列に並んで何時間も場所取りに頑張るのを横見に私は花火が鳴ってから中庭に出れば特等席で鑑賞できるのですから。現実は前の部屋で詐欺に遭った結果、さらなる被害を避ける為に重い気持ちで移り住んだのです。しかし徐々に電気代やお湯代込と良い条件が判明、オマケに以前の半値近い部屋代に気持ちも回復しました。狭くもなりましたが以前の部屋が二人用でしたから。Bastlle.JPG2 

元気になった事を一番に報告したい女性がいました。とても明るい人柄で私がこの年になってパリに移り住む決心の後押しをしてくれたブログの作者です。感謝のコメントにも優しい返事がありました。彼女の名前はリサ・テイラーでした。過去形なのは突然癌でなくなっていたからです。パリのどこかでリサさんもパリ・バスチーユ祭の花火を見ているに違いないと思っていましたがその前に彼女は天に召されていたのです。 

暫くは茫然。最近は癌でも治療できるし彼女の文章は明るかったので大丈夫と思っていました。後悔の念に襲われながら彼女の旦那さんの愛に満ちた報告を読むうちに涙が溢れます。本当にこの世からいなくなったんだ…彼女は本を出版したかったのに叶いませんでした。出版社は売れないと判断したのでしょうが世の中には人生のタイミングを逸した女性が結構多くていて(自分も含め)リサさんみたいに40代後半でアメリカを出て知り合いのいないパリに移り住み失恋を経験した後に素敵な男性と結ばれた自伝は励ましになったと思うのですが彼女の作家になる夢は途絶えたのです。 

でもそれなら何故私は実際にお会いしていないリサさんの為にこんなに泣いているのでしょう?彼女の言葉は私だけでなく多くの魂に触れました。フェイスブックにもお悔やみが寄せられましたが言葉で人の魂に触れることが作者ならばリサさんは立派な作者になられたと思います。死して尚私に教えてくれました。私は彼女みたいにパリで愛する人と出会わないかもしれない。彼女の夫によると子供に縁がなかったリサさんは義理の息子さんに思いがけず懐かれたそうです。でも私は彼女が導いてくれたパリに住み書き続けていれば良い、と。また最近になって豪州が私に与えてくれていた多くのものに気づきましたがあそこにも戻る事を考えて永住権も更新しました。ただ何処で生きようと時間は限られていると今回の件で悟りましたので秋深くまでブログ執筆も休みグラフィクス小説を頑張ります。Bastlle

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